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It seems the act of judging has become nearly as natural to people as breathing, but paradoxically has a suffocating effect. I understand there exists a very spiritual notion that, ‘god exists in each and everyone one of us’, but strongly contend that such does not make us all individual ‘gods’ in our own right. Surprisingly enough, it has taken me nearly two years living in London as an ‘outsider looking in’ before finally reaching my breaking point and deciding that the time has arrived to judge this unnecessary act of judging.
Justifying Judgment
During a brief cameo appearance as a lawyer, there was no escaping the fact that I had entered a profession committed to the practice of judgment and justification. I was earning a small income on the distinction between right and wrong, though largely dedicating my time to fighting causes that were not always in agreement with my moral beliefs. In so doing, there was an underlying sense of comfort that I was following a set of legally imposed guidelines and rules, as opposed to ‘willy-nilly’ pointing fingers and casting unqualified blame. But despite my ability to successfully sleep at night with what I was doing, I quickly grew tired of living a life of loopholes and started reconsidering my career selection. At last, whilst in ‘re-evaluation mode’ I accepted that the practice of law also failed to stimulate me with the creative freedom found in writing, which encouraged me to jump ship before sailing off to that figurative ‘island’ already populated by thousands of unhappy lawyers… not to mention it happens to be the same island where people wish to send all existing lawyers… but I will spare my readers a lesson on solicitor stigma. Suffice it to say, I am astounded by the way my transformation as the cliché ‘struggling artist’ and the resulting choices I have faced as a result have generated such profound criticism from those who know so very little about me… including my shoe size, which makes it all the more difficult to walk around in my life for a day. As such, I have been inspired to commence this overdue discussion on our judgement tendencies and turn our minds to the significant impact this is having on an already complex social network.
Making the Move and Where it Didn’t Get Me
Continuing now with an illustration of a ‘personal life choice’, my decision to switch career paths and move to England has since been labelled many things, including: “risky” “crazy” “ballsy” and my all-time favourite, just plain “irresponsible”… leaving me in the painful place of continually having to defend myself. Venturing in and out of short-term employment whilst desperately searching for my special ‘niche’, I only managed to discover I was the mayor of ‘shame central’ without a job to boast about. Such a position (or imposition!) has prompted the same question from new friends and acquaintances over and over again: ‘How am I surviving?’ After dancing around the truth with two left feet and finding endless creative ways to explain myself, I now embrace my vulnerability and openly reveal to the world the cold, hard truth… I am receiving financial support from my family! [Insert shock – gasp – horror here]. Now asking myself: ‘Was that last paragraph easy to admit…?’ I can honestly say it’s about as easy to admit as it is to live with… and the answer is: Not very.
So to expand on a blatantly adverse experience in London where my now not-so-personal career/ financial status remains, I am currently mystified by the incredible amount of judgment calls directed my way in such a short period of time and with such little information to go on. I can only guess that such confrontation is all the more difficult without my closest long-term friends around to defend my ‘dis-honour’. Generally, when I admit to receiving financial support from my parents, people automatically make assumptions, including the belief that I must come from a rich background (untrue) or that I have no direction and ambition in life (also untrue). On more than one occasion I have bit the bullet and fought back tears after being deemed “pathetic” for still receiving monetary support at this point in my life and after the amount of time/ money/ effort expended into graduate studies… And frighteningly enough, after hearing it enough times it’s only natural one might actually start to believe it…
But now that my secret is out and I anticipate being further judged in some form or another, how then can I scramble around justifying this sinful act of ‘depending on daddy’?? Well, grasping once more for that running thread on life investments (when last we checked this includes friends) individuals also have a plethora of options where the investment of their money is concerned. Some invest in the stock market; others in property or business ventures… but my parents chose to invest in their daughter. Although not particularly wealthy, my mother and father are two of the hardest working individuals I’ve encountered in my life and I credit them for being so supportive during the worst financial times I have suffered. Making payments on student loans, funding most of law school, and sustaining the brunt of my living expenses during university and beyond, are only some of the financial sacrifices my parents made on their mission to see me succeed and to be able to define my success by happiness, not hardship. I am probably their biggest risk yet, but they took this in a state of unconditional love and blind faith, and sadly I don’t see much of this sort of investment from people anymore. But whether this is the same decision all parents would make for their children is not in question. What matters is that the choice to help belonged to my parents and the choice to accept the help was mine. That written, what exactly is it that makes my reality so disgraceful? I won’t bore you with the list of perceived possibilities, but I can say that it should not extend beyond the way I feel and the way my parents feel about the situation. Don’t get me wrong: I would never be so ridiculous as to claim my circumstances are ideal and I am more than aware of the need to take responsibility and find a solution to an old problem. Guilt must be the worst and most futile emotion in existence and I am plagued by it everyday for not being in a different, more independently successful place than I am. Being a financial burden is nothing to be proud of, but being judged by others-- including those who are supposed to be closest to me, proves nothing about what I should really be doing with my time and education. Instead, such unwanted criticism only stands to make difficult circumstances that much harder and calling such criticism ‘constructive’ is like calling a piece of shit a rose… we can all assume it still stinks.

So rather than take any more abuse for being an over-educated nobody, it would be a welcomed relief to find reassurance that I am not alone in this burden of uncertainty… yet sadly enough, why do I care what others think in the first place…? And furthermore, does this city have something to do with the fact that I feel like less of a person because I’m currently not a part of the hustle and bustle of London’s notorious, but professional pace…?
Having placed myself at the mercy of candour, I admit my career change has hardly been a walk in her Majesty’s park with sunshine, roses and frolicking King Charles Cavalier Spaniels… No doubt, London is a tough city to crack and I’d be lying if I said the majority of Londoners make this process any easier. Having many times been quoted as the ‘city of opportunity’, I remain amazed by the fact that such sentiment was echoed without the added tip: ‘but populated by hungry sharks’. But before I receive too many raised eyebrows over this particular observation, I should add that my love-hate relationship with London has far less to do with the city itself and more to do with circumstance. I have quickly discovered that to enjoy London one must not only thrive to survive, but should also be well insulated with a heavy undercoat beneath that layer of thick skin. But the aforementioned requirements aside, without a solid support system in place, a person has about the same chance of surviving London as a hairless Chinese Crested dog has of surviving the Arctic. In my case, self-preservation remains challenging even after two years in the UK and despite the admitted financial hardship I remain fixed in my position that external judgment serves as the main reason for the added turmoil. So after taking way too many shots for the team, (as I assume I’m not alone in this difficult place of having racked up thousands of dollars in education fees, etc.,) I need to ask at what point did we become more hurtful than helpful as human beings existing in an already struggling society? Instead of condemning others for not being in a more secure place in life, whatever the standard measured, it seems more sensible to appreciate one’s own fortunate circumstances and wish something better for those who are struggling… or better yet, use our strengths to assist people with their weaknesses without pointing an accusing finger.
In his book, The Seven Laws of Spiritual Success, Deepak Chopra reveals that:
“the easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. This principle works equally well for individuals, corporations, societies, and nations. If you want to be blessed with all the good things in life, learn to silently bless everyone with all the good things in life”.
Chopra also refers to the benefits of practicing “non-judgment”, claiming that such “creates a silence in our minds”. Adding further emphases on the subject, he cites a quote from a prayer in A Course in Miracles, which states, “Today I shall judge nothing that occurs”. He then advises readers to assume a practice of this phrase either for a day, an hour, or for the extent of one’s personal capability, in order to curtail an unhealthy pattern of judgment. After trying this myself I admit it is difficult at first, though incredibly eye-opening. I instantly discovered many irrelevant things I place my focus on, thereby polluting my conscious awareness and depriving myself of the benefits of positive thinking. “Non-judgment” is a rewarding routine to adopt and the experience can be described as nothing short of personally liberating.
As evident in my last posting, I do love a brief moment of introspection, so I will take the opportunity to beg the following question:
- Why do we judge in the first place?
My guess is we are becoming increasingly insecure as individuals and tend to project our self-created notions of failure on to others instead of addressing our own distorted beliefs. But this is only one possibility of the many reasons why we waste valuable time concerning ourselves with the actions of other people. Turning inwards and examining why we judge in the first place is an important step in identifying the futility of unnecessary judgment, hopefully leading to a giant leap forward in moderating a very bad habit.



When I meet the artist Victoria White her colourful personality is mimicked by her clothes, oranges, greens and blues are thrown together to create a delightfully vivid ensemble.
Victoria has always drawn and painted from an early age and took her first photograph at the age of six. It was a portrait of her friend next door, Jason. Her mother was so amazed by the results she has kept the photograph to this day.
"All my family are either artists or writers. My grandfather used to write the Betty Bunter stories. For years my family ran a publishing business so fantastically creative people were always around me." This could easily explain why Victoria excelled at art at school and won lots of competitions which resulted in "a lot of strange prizes!"
Despite her passion for art she put off taking this up as a career straight away and worked in publishing for six years at IPC media and Conde Naste, doing art editing. This involved scanning a lot of photographs and working with Quark. "I was going ballistic and had to do my own thing that's when I decided to turn to art as a career."
Victoria studied as a mature student at the Chelsea College of Art where she completed her foundation degree which was "an amazing experience." She then studied at Camberwell College of Art for her degree.
In the art world you have to be special to stand out from the crowd and Victoria certainly is. Her artwork is fresh and original and she says that: "When I create I aim to come from a place that is pure, whole and untouched by the ego. I see that everyone is unique, imperfectly perfect. As much as I look different to the next person so will the art that I create."
When photographing Victoria's favourite medium to work with is water. "The fluidity and power of water I find awe-inspiring. The water literally paints images for me, which I can pick and choose, through the click of a button."
The camera of choice for her Water Bottles picture was a Canon EOS 5D, a digital camera. Victoria says that using film or digital does not make that much difference as she is careful only to press the button when she sees the photograph is right. Victoria does not use Photoshop with any of her images as what she sees through the lens is what is produced in the resulting image. "Not using any kind of computer enhancement for photography I believe to be quite a rarity these days." Photography for her is "an opportunity to show that the universe is totally stunning naturally and needs no computer enhancement."
Reflections play a key part in Victoria's photography and she explains that she "loves finding the extraordinary and beautiful in the most everyday objects. I find it incredible to look at the side of a glass and see it within it a microscopic distorted version of reality. The everyday is everywhere - but to find the unusual, abstract and surreal in everyday reality is for me what turns landscape into a living motion picture."
Abstract photography really interests Victoria. "If I take a photograph and it doesn't look like something obvious then I feel I have achieved what I wanted. A cup is a cup and anyone can take a photograph of a cup but to take a picture of a cup and see two images in it similar to Salvador Dali's artwork - that is brilliant." Victoria knows when she has taken the perfect photograph - "a bolt of light will go through me and it's an absolute wow moment when I feel the creativity is there and it flows just like that - it is the ultimate creation."
When painting or creating collage work she uses the brightest colours available. She uses Gouache paint which is potently colourful. She also has a penchant for working with coloured cut out card, creating all sorts of abstract and obscure images and then photographing parts of the image that appeals the most."
Inspiration is drawn from a plethora of sources for Victoria's artwork, from the flower stall next to her studio to the weather to a great conversation with a friend. "Life for me is a palette of inspiration." Ultimately she gets her best ideas from watching the sea. Victoria spent six years living in Malta also a year in Villefranche Sur Mer in the South of France, where she grew great inspiration from watching the sea.
An exhibition of Victoria's work is currently being shown in the Trowbridge Gallery, Kings Road, London. Currently exhibiting are pictures of Water Bottles, Tate Britain Trees and 14 pictures of paintings where she put paint in between two pieces of glass and pulled the glass apart and photographed the results.
Since the purchase, of the picture above, Victoria has visited the palace on a number of occasions to do Prince Albert's portrait. He now owns quite a collection of her work.






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